Dating old friend after divorce

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As the writer Deborah Moggach has said, “most of us are lonely, and we all want the same thing.” To meet another person, that is.

Yet the process is rarely straightforward, not least when, like Moggach, 67, you are past the first flush of youth.

Rather stupidly I thought revisiting a place I had been to with my ex would be cathartic. There’s no-one to gossip with after a night out; no one to steer you out the door when it’s time to leave a party.

Valentine’s Day is horrible, Christmas is painful, birthdays can make even the strongest-hearted weak with pain.

As she stared at her “date”, a handsome but cocky banker called Jeremy, over dinner, only the coldest-hearted of viewers could have failed to feel for her. Everyone turned and looked at me and I felt embarrassed and ashamed.If you’ve been dating for a while and are looking to continue seeing each other, especially if you are dating with the intention of looking for a life partner, it’s not unreasonable to ask about the circumstances of his divorce.If, for example, his ex-wife is bitter about the divorce, it’s good to know that going into your relationship, because it will likely affect her feelings about you (if she knows about you) and (worst-case) how she treats her ex-husband and the kids.Divorces, like men, come in all shapes, sizes, and situations.Sometimes there are amicable divorces; sometimes there are epic divorces that last years and years with lots of “collateral damage.” But if you’re dating recreationally and not considering him as a long-term partner, then these questions might not matter as much, since you’re not concerned with long-term compatibility.

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